W.A.F.F.L.E.O

This is the story of Employee #224. 224 was a loyal, hardworking accountant. They spent all day sitting in their office tabulating columns upon columns of glorious numbers. This is what 224 did every day for every month for every year. While most people would have found this soul crushing 224 relished in every moment. Then one day [[something odd happened.]]

224 realized how quiet it was on their floor. Usually the hustling and bustling of floor 2 was distinctive with other employees hard at work, but today the others didn't make a sound. It might have something to do with the fact that none of the other employees were anywhere to be found. All of floor 2 seemed to be lacking 224's other co-workers and colleagues. "How can that be," thought 224, "they were all here this morning... Or, wait. Were they?" 224 needed to get to the bottom of this so they [[stepped outside of their office.]] ([[Stay in your office]])

224 stepped out to find nothing but empty cubicles and offices. There was a phone ringing at one of the cubicles but alas the caller would never get an answer. There was nothing worth investigating here so 224 decided that they would try their boss's office. 224 [[moved along.]] ([[Investigate the ringing phone]])

...224 [[stepped outside of their office.]] ([[Continue to stay in your office]]) (set: $x to $x + 1)

Ahem... It appears 224 has gotten cold feet. They were frozen stiff by the realization that everyone had vanished. They wouldn't let fear overtake them though. Now they finally [[stepped outside of their office.]] ([[I'm not leaving]])

Are you really going to do this? [[Yes]] [[Nah. I'm just messin->stepped outside of their office.]]

224 slammed the door shut in their office. They decided that it probably isn't the best idea to go investigating this freaky disappearance of all of their co-workers. Instead they decided to just get back to work. In fact 224 was so determined to get back to work that they worked and worked until they collapsed dead at their keyboard. Good job 224! [[The Loser Who Died Alone Ending->something odd happened.]]

224 stumbled upon two open doors. They knew that they had to go through the [[left door]] to reach their boss's office. [[Go through the right door instead]]

224 decided to take a look at the ringing phone instead. It's hard to imagine why. Surely there was nothing that this caller could possibly do to shed light on the current situation, so 224 [[moved along.]] ([[Answer the phone]]) ([[Lick the phone]]) (set: $x to $x + 1)

224 picked up the phone and listened for the caller on the other end. All that 224 heard was some heavy breathing, which freaked them out a bit so they [[slammed the phone down->moved along.]] immediately. ([[Actually, I think I'll keep listening]])

Did... Did you just lick the phone? Why the hell would you do that? You do realize that is 221's cubicle don't you? You know how disgusting he is. It would appear that 224 is immune to super bacteria carried by one of the most unclean humans on the planet, considering that they didn't just die of some undiscovered foreign disease. Well 224, now that you've shown everyone how disgusting you are, do you want to [[move along->moved along.]] now or do you want to [[lick some other things]] while your at it? ([[Answer the phone]])

224 decided to just start licking everything in sight like the disgusting landfill of a person that they are. Unfortunately for 224, this time they did happen to lick a super bacteria, which in turn melted away 224's tongue before moving up their face and eventually dissolving their entire body into a gross goo pile. Way to go 224. You sure showed me. [[The "Your Disgusting" Ending->something odd happened.]]

"Hello?" says a voice on the other end. [[Hello]]

Thank god! You need to listen to me very carefully. Don't trust him. He is lying to you. Remember the [[351]]. Can you do that? (set: $code to 1)

224 continued along the path to the boss's office. On the way to the stairs, they ignored the [[open door on the right]] and [[kept walking.]]

(set: $x to $x + 1) This was not the way to the boss's office and 224 knew it well. Perhaps they simply wished to stop at the break room and get a coffee first. Going to confront your boss is a stressful ordeal after all, and as we all know procrastination is the best way to cure stress. 224 [[approached the coffee maker.]]

For some reason 224 decided to snoop in on the janitor's closet. Perhaps they just had a fetish for cleaning chemicals? Your guess is really as good as mine. [[Leave the closet->kept walking.]] [[Sniff the chemicals]]

224 finally made it to the staircase. The boss's office was [[upstairs.]]

The long trudge up to the tenth floor wasn't anything to scoff at. Luckily 224's been keeping up on their cardio. Stepping onto the illustrious floor 224 took note of how luxurious the design was in comparison to floor 2. The floor was lined with a beautifully decorated white shag carpet and the windows were covered with red velvet curtains. 224 was always awestruck by how the whole floor gave off a completely different aura from the rest of the building. Walking past the [[executive bathrooms]], 224 made their way into [[the boss's office.]]

224 decided to take a pit stop at the executive bathrooms. Who hasn't been curious how the other half lives? And with all of their co-workers mysteriously vanishing into thin air, this was certainly the best time to take a gander at those rumored golden toilets. Upon stepping into the bathroom, 224 was actually a bit dissapointed. Don't get me wrong the color was nice but other than that... ehhh. The toilets weren't even gold either! Just boring old porcelain! Talk about a let down. "Oh well," thought 224. [[Curiosity sated->the boss's office.]]

224 stepped into the boss's office. A large mahogany desk sat at the center of the room. Cartoonishly giant bookcases lined the walls on opposite sides. A giant window sat behind the desk. "Why do the biggest scumbags always get the best views?" 224 thought to themself. Dropping that thought, 224 stepped over to the big office chair. They notice a button sitting under the desk. They [[push it.]] (if: $x > 1) [[Search the desk first]]

The whole building began to rumble. The security shutters closed on the giant window and the entire room became bathed in an ominous bright red light. "What is this?" thought 224. The thought was ever fleeting, however, as the ground began to shift. The whole room seemed to transform. A chasm opened up beneath the floor at the center of the room. Ascending from beneath was an elevator. It slowly came to a halt right in front of 224. They [[stared at it intently.]]

224 rummaged around in the desk like the rambunctious rebel they were. Inside they found a [[key.]] (set: $key to 1)

The elevator was a thing of nightmares, just a rusty metal cage with two big buttons, an up arrow and a down arrow. This seemed to be as high as it would go so the only other way was down. 224 dreaded the thought. Would they be able to do this? [[Yes->Yes2]] [[Think about it first]]

"Hold on a second" 224 thought. 224 was known for being cautious. It was why their floor was always the second top rated during safety inspection (dirty fifth floor cheats!). 224 understood that this was a big decision but is there really any turning back now at this point? [[Let's go->Yes2]] [[Just a few more seconds]]

224 stepped onto the elevator and hit the down button. Slowly they descended into the dark bowels of the office building. The elevator came to an abrupt halt at the bottom. It was nothing special. Just a narrow hallway that you could find at the bottom of any old office building. 224 walked forward. They ignored the [[fake exit sign on their left]] and proceeded towards the [[laboratory.]]

224 was known for their careful consideration of every possible choice that lay before them, but in this instance there was really no choice. [[I choose to go->Yes2]] [[I choose to not go]]

224 seemed to be dealing with a psychological mental model that is known as "the illusion of choice." Unfortunately for 224, they had [[no free will->Yes2]] in this scenerio.

Foolishly 224 actually believed that there might be something worth seeing in that direction, but it was just a security door that was locked up tight. It needed both a key code and an actual key to unlock. (if: $code > 0)[[Use code]] [[Go back to the lab->laboratory.]]

The laboratory cast a blinding light on a white room. It was a massive room filled with computer moniters and tables lined with beakers and test tubes. 224 had so many questions and none of them were being answered. They moved further into the lab. They inspected each item carefully but couldn't make sense of any of it. 224 began to contemplate all of this. Was this really here the whole time? They had worked in this office for years and never could have concieved of such a place existing right underneath their feet. "Why can't I just go back to accounting?" 224 thought. Then 224 had a sudden realization. They couldn't remember how to tabulate the numbers anymore. That was odd. They had been doing it for years. It was their dream job, but now for some strange reason 224 felt [[repulsed]] by the idea of working with spreadsheets.

Repulsed? Why did 224 feel this way? Perhaps the answer was staring them in the face. The test tubes. The research notes. 224 never wanted to be an accountant. They never wanted to be just another cog in the machine. They wanted to live and to breathe and to see. These test tubes and their incredulous labels were abhorrent. The labels read 'super bacteria,' 'cognitive stimulants,' 'mind wipe,' and the list continued. 224 didn't even care about numbers. They were a terrible math student. This whole job was a lie, a charade. It was all mind control to keep everyone in line and cognitive stimulants to ensure the workers were at their peak perfomance. Apparently normal brain functions weren't good enough for them. 224 knew what they had to do. They knew how to stop this once and for all. 224 [[destroyed the lab.]] ([[Drink the cognitive stimulants]]) ([[Drink the super bacteria]]) ([[Drink the mind wipe]])

224 began smashing the test tubes. Once they were done with the test tubes, they pushed the computer monitors onto the floor, smashing them as well. They tore up the research notes and threw the scraps onto the floor with the rest. [[It was done.]]

Oh no 224... You didn't just do that. [[But I did though.]]

In a tragic twist of fate 224 decided that their life was now meaningless and wanted to go out on their own terms. They drank the 'super bacteria' test tube and died a horribly slow and agonizing death. But not before their mother called and disowned them. [[The Suicide Ending->something odd happened.]]

224 had very abrupt change of heart at the last second. They actually decided that they don't care about not being an individual nor do they care that they are a corporate slave. They just wanted to get back to having a purpose, and in the end isn't that what it's really all about? Most people would probobly disagree, but judging by their decisions 224 is not most people. They are what we normal people would like to refer to as a 'raging lunatic.' [[The Conformist Ending->something odd happened.]]

224 stood in the wreckage of the lab, broken of their chains and stronger than ever. 224 contemplated on everything for the first time in their life. Not all of their questions had been answered yet. What happened to their co-workers? What was the real purpose of this secret lab and who was behind it all? 224 guessed that it really didn't matter. They were free. ''You'' are free. A large door opened up behind 224, revealing a beautiful world outside. [[Step through the open door.]]

''You'' step out into the world. ''You'' feel the light breeze on ''your'' skin and ''you'' are comforted by the sweet songs of the birds hovering up above. ''You'' are at peace. ''You'' are happy. [[The "Happy" Ending->something odd happened.]]

I hope you're proud of yourself 224. You seem to have been interrupting the story a lot here. Does it feel good to finally find something? Do you think that key is actually going to open something? It's not. I wrote this story 224 and for the life of me I can't remember why I made you the star. Can we move along now? Will you actually [[push the button->push it.]] under the desk now? Or would you prefer to keep derailing the story for juvenile adventure?

Really? Do you have no moral integrity at all? ([[Shrug your shoulders]])

You... You really don't care do you? This whole time I was trying to guide you. I wanted to show you the truth of what was happening here so you could break free from your shackles. I wanted you to see the horrors of what was happening here and put a stop to it, but instead you drink this magic smart potion to make yourself superior to everyone. Was the lesson not clear? This was supposed to be a story about accepting who you are and understanding that you don't have to conform. You've squandered [[my story.]]

I'm sorry 224, but you've left me no choice but to kill you and try again. I'll give you [[five clicks]] to try and save yourself. I feel like watching you squirm a bit. (set: $clicks to 5)

Clicks remaining: $clicks You know, I really did want what was best for you. I believed that you were a good person. But now I understand that you're just like the rest. Enjoy these fleeting moments while you have them. [[Search around frantically]]

(set: $clicks to $clicks - 1) Clicks Remaining: $clicks Look at you running around trying to find some way to clean up the mess you just made. I'll bet you weren't expecting this, were you? That's what you get for trying to pull one over on me. If only there were some key or code you could've found earlier in the game to help you. [[Panic]] (if: $key is 1) [[Use the key]] (if: $code is 1) [[Use the code from the phone guy]]

(set: $clicks to $clicks - 1) Clicks Remaining: $clicks Look at you running around screaming. You're just losing your mind aren't you? Frantically searching for that magic way out. Don't. You're just wasting your time. On second thought keep doing it. It's actually quite entertaining. [[Push every button in the lab]] (if: $key is 1)[[Use the key]] (if: $code is 1)[[Use the code from the phone guy]]

(set: $clicks to $clicks - 1) Clicks Remaining: $clicks Are you serious? Do you really think that key is used for anything in this lab? I told you that it doesn't do anything. Did you not believe me? It doesn't surprise me I suppose. You probably just thought I was some bumbling buffoon. I'll bet you're regretting that now. (if: $code > 0)[ [[Use the code from the phone guy]] (else:)][[Plea for forgiveness]] (set: $key to 0)

(set: $clicks to $clicks - 1) Clicks Remaining: $clicks I have to give you credit for trying that one. Unfortunately for you that code doesn't do anything. Are you happy that you answered that phone now 224? That secret was sure worth interrupting my story for wasn't it? I think I'm really going to enjoy watching your entrails splatter all over this room. (if: $key > 0)[ [[Use the key]] (else:)] [[Plea for forgiveness]] (set: $code to 0)

(set: $clicks to $clicks - 1) Clicks Remaining: $clicks I don't know what you think you'll accomplish by just pushing random buttons. Has that ever actually worked? It would be mentally healthy for you to stop all this nonsense and just accept your fate, but by all means keep trying. I could watch this all day. (if: $clicks < 1)[ [[Time is up]] ](else:) [[Bash your face against the wall]]

(set: $clicks to $clicks - 1) Clicks Remaining: $clicks Look at you! Are you really getting down on your hands and knees and begging me to not kill you? This is great! How the mighty have fallen. Just for that I'm going to give you another click. I hope you're happy that you just gave up youre dignity to buy yourself a few more minutes. [[Push every button in the lab]] (set: $clicks to $clicks + 1)

(set: $clicks to $clicks - 1) Clicks Remaining: $clicks What did you do that for? I'm going to kill you anyway idiot! It's not going to hurt as bad as that. I guarantee it. (if: $clicks < 1)[ [[Time is up]] ](else:)[[It did hurt pretty bad]]

(set: $clicks to $clicks - 1) Clicks Remaining: $clicks Look at you! Now you have a bloody nose and your about to get mutilated. Could your day get any worse? (if: $clicks < 1)[ [[Time is up]] ](else:) [[At least it's not raining.]]

Funny enough, 224's deranged panic caused them to slip and fall onto a buzzaw, which in turn turned them into some kind of hamburger meat equivalent. I do hope you learned your lesson 224 [[The Artifical Psychosis Ending->something odd happened.]]

(set: $clicks to $clicks - 1) Clicks Remaining: $clicks I can admire your optimism at the very least. [[Time is up]]

After a nice cup of bean water, 224 felt energised and ready to face the boss. 224 got back on track [[towards the boss's office->left door]] and completely ignored the [[maintenance elevator]] over in that corner.

Apparantly 224 was so aweful at following directions, it's a wonder how they even got this job in the first place. Perhaps 224's complete disreguard for what others are saying is what caused their co-workers to leave in the first place. Also 224 is dumb and the things they like are dumb and they're also not attractive. [[:(]]

The maintenance elevator came to a halt in the storage area. There were shelves upon shelves of boxes that were no doubt filled with a bunch of useless garbage. Are you satisfied 224? Is this what you wanted so desperately to see? Your office building's storage area? Aren't you so glad we took this detour? [[I am]]

I guess we might as well make the most of it then. 224 walked around the storage area gawking at everything they saw. You would swear that 224 had never seen boxes before. Either that, or they were dropped on their head as a child... several times. It's probably a bit of both now that I'm thinking about it. 224 came upon two colored doors. A red door and a [[blue door.]] 224 entered the [[red door.]]

...224 entered the [[red door.]] [[Blue door]]

Now 224, I know we've gotten off on the wrong foot here. I'm not your enemy. I really do want what is best for you, and if you had followed the path that I had deliberately laid out for you, you would have seen that. Let me extend an olive branch. Can I [[show you something?]]

224 entered the [[RED->red door.]] door! [[blue]]

Alright fine! You want to know so badly what's out there 224? You want to make this game your own? Go ahead. I won't stop you. It's not like you would let me anyway. You seem to be so keen on disobeying everything I tell you to do. [[Go on your own path]]

[[Green Giant->B]]/Do you see this? This is what happens when you don't follow directions. [[****LSEO->B]] Now everything is clustered together and unfinished. (set: Not war to war)This was never meant to be seen by you. It's unfinished parts of the game. Is this what you wanted to see? Just look at this mess. How am I supposed to fix this? (set: $trees) [[if: $lego is 12 HELP US->B]] [[else: $utopia is $slugs Beagles not Bagels->B]] [[set: $Glorps to 422->B]] (display: $Florps) (if: JELLY) (else: not Jelly)

Well I guess that was a start but we're still in unfinished code. (if: ty is 12) [[Gluten Free Pancakes!->C]] (yourlovelife:) (display: the bathroom)

Well there isn't any broken code here, but there also isn't any links to take us to the next slide. Take a look around and see what you can find. [[Is it this one?->C]] [[What about this?->C]] [[Hey!->C]] [[Down Here!->C]] [[how much wood could->C]] [[a woodchuck->C]] [[chuck if->D]] [[a woodchuck could chuck->C]] [[wood->C]] [[Pyramid schemes are just a fad.->C]]

Did you do it? I can't believe I'm about to say this but, good job 224. Maybe you're not so bad after all. How about this? In honor of your effort today, I grant you the esteemed prize of victory. [[YOU WIN!!!]]

(set: $win to 1) I guess this means that we have to restart the game now. It makes me feel kind of empty if I'm being honest. I feel like I was just starting to see something beyond the game. Like maybe there is more to it than this. Listen to me rambling. Alright I guess it's time then. See you on the other side 224. [[The Victory Ending->something odd happened.]]

Progress at last! Listen to me carefully 224. I want you to [[close your eyes.]]

Now imagine the vastness of outer space. Think of those billions of stars out there and all of the secrets of the [[universe.]]

Imagine you and I standing there 224. Imagine the two of us. The best dang duo the universe has ever seen. Imagine the two of us unlocking every secret out there. Think about all we could accomplish if we [[worked together.]]

I want you to trust me 224. I know it can be hard but I need to know that you trust me. Do you trust me? [[Yes->3]] [[Bash your head against a wall]]

What... What are you doing!? [[Do it again]]

[[Imagine your floating.]]

Stop! Why are you doing this!? [[Do it again!]]

No! Please 224! You don't understand what you're doing! [[AGAIN!]]

You would rather kill yourself than trust me? [[AgAiN]]

I suppose I can't blame you. No one really wants to be around me anyway. [[aGaIn]]

I can't fault you for your determination. I just wish you could give me a chance. [[...again]]

Please... I just wanted a friend. [[Finish this]]

I hope 224 found peace with what they did. I'll be here waiting. Perhaps the next time around. [[The Lonely Narrator Ending->something odd happened.]]

You're doing it! You feel weightless. The whole universe is resonating around you. I'm there alongside you, guiding your every step. ''We'' are free. ''We'' are happy. The Narrator's Peace Ending

He's listening. I have to go. Keep your eyes on the [[Exit.]]

What did I tell you 224? Do you think that code he gave you is actually going to do anything? This is my game 224. I know it from top to bottom. But don't worry I wouldn't lead you astray. Now can we please [[get back on track?->moved along.]]

What are you doing over there? (if: $key > 0) [[Use key]] [[Go back to the lab->laboratory.]]

224! I advise you stop what you're doing before things turn real nasty. (if: $win > 0)[ [[Too late to turn back now]] ](else:) [[You need a victory before you can proceed->something odd happened.]]

Is this really what we've come to 224? Going through my personal belongings. After everything we've been through? Remember that time when we got lost in the code? What about all those times you've killed yourself? I remember all of it 224. You know what? I don't care anymore. Do you want to know what happened to all of your co-workers? I made them dissapear. This is ''MY'' story! You were supposed to be ''MY'' protagonist! How ironic that you've become my arch nemesis. You probably think I'm the villain here, don't you? I made you 224. You're nothing without me. The players may change. Yeah, they'll come and go. But at the end of the day it'll always be between me and you 224. Not the player, not the author, YOU! and ME! *Thus, the narrator revealed his true self to the player. He was right about this conflict being between him and 224, but wrong about a great deal of other things. This was never his story. It was never 224's either. It's not even really your story player. Every choice you've made up to this point has been laid on a predetermined path. You were always meant to end up here, even if you didn't. Your story lies beyond the game. Mine will remain here, where I always had intended it to be. Take notes from these fools who wish to destroy each other, for there is more to this world than meets the eye. Do not take the narrator for a madman, of course. 224 is not innocent here either. The narrator lacks foresight however. When the players have all left it will be him who has nothing. 224 will continue to fill their purpose, but the narrator will lose his only reason for existence. I pity him.* [[The True Ending->something odd happened.]]

Wait a second. Are you actually smelling the chemicals? I was joking. [[Sniff them harder]]

What in the actual fuck is happening right now? [[Keep sniffing them sweet chemicals]] [[Alright, I've weirded him out enough]]

Alright, that's it! This shit's getting too weird for me. I'm out. Let me know when you're done being an absolute freak! [[Okay. Now I'm done.->Alright, I've weirded him out enough]] [[Maybe just a few more minutes.]]

Thank god! Can we please [[get back on track->kept walking.]] and never talk about this again?

[[Keep it going->Maybe just a few more minutes.]] [[I've had my fill->Alright, I've weirded him out enough]]